Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
