on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
