youre lurking in front of me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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