Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hello my rib-scented angel!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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