You smell like a Billy Joel song
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
