Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We are all done wearing pants today
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
