So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
