would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
