Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
