Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
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