Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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