Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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