what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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