I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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