I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
