I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
