i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
