Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
