I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
