I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
