the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
