that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
