it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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