My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
