As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
