hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
