I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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