How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
