Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
