To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
