just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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