A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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