it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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