If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
