There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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