they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
