But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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