I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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