No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
