All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
