He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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