You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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