White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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