6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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