she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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