Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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