You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize