Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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