You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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