he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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