How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
