She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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