He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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