my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
