You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
