thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
