drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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