You're my little dorito
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Found your dick twin last night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
