We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
