i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
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