he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
