I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
