my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
