out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
