Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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