he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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