Can i not drive my cunt home
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
