please come you make the beer taste better
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize