This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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