My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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