ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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