I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
