I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
