would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
